Week 23...and counting!

I get so excited when I feel Preston moving inside me. I imagine him stretching his tiny arms, extending his growing legs, wiggling his fingers and toes...surprising himself as he is discovering ...well, himself!
Everyday I am so thankful that the Lord has chosen me to be able to carry this precious life. I had come so close to really giving up the hope of being able to get pregnant that I stay in awww... Amazed my God's design of a mother's womb. He gives mothers 100% responsibility for nurturing, protecting, feeding and carrying the next generation.

Although some of the tasks of motherhood will come as no surprise to me as I have been a mom for almost eight years now, there is so much I hadn't experienced. I hadn't ever felt a baby move inside. I haven't had contractions. I haven't had to decide on birthing options. I haven't had to deliver a child. I haven't had the choice to breastfeed. It is like another whole dimension to motherhood. A reality that has always been just beyond my reach.

I will share with you on my 31st birthday (June of this year) I am almost embarrassed to tell you... but I stood in front of my mirror, poked my belly out, and imagined what it would be like to be pregnant (NOT knowing that I was actually pregnant at that time). I told myself that it was okay if I never got pregnant, and tried to settle it in my mind. Telling myself all the positives, Garron was going to be out of the house in like 9 years! LOL I didn't have to make bottles, pack bags, and changed diapers...who wants to do all that anyway?
I was very torn because I told God (almost 8 years ago) when he gave me that beautiful baby boy, that I would be forever thankful and if he was the only child God was to ever give me, I was okay with that. So my feelings on June 12,2010 were a struggle. I felt sort of like an ingrate. I know some people never get children, not even one. Some people have children and loose them, and some like Hannah pray for a child, only to give him back to God.
God had also blessed me with Jeremiah...even though he has only been living with us for the past year, he is such a blessing. I wasn't sad about getting old (er), I was only sad that I knew my biological clock was ticking. I thought, man if I can't get pregnant in my 20s my chances are rapidly depleting in my 30s! So, I will be honest, I allowed my self a little party...not in celebration of my birthday, but one of pity ...on myself...no one came...it was just me and my tears...
Now how silly!!! This is why I felt dumb at the time. I tried not to doubt God's master plan. I tried to trust that He does EVERYTHING for our good and His glory...but I failed the test. I let my emotions run away with me (well I will now blame some of that on being pregnant....hahaha the irony)
I share all this with you so you will know this, I give God total honor and glory for my new gift. And so you will understand when I go on and on gushing about this amazing experience that seem like "everyday" to some people...to me it is still a miracle! Still!!!!