I get so excited when I feel Preston moving inside me. I imagine him stretching his tiny arms, extending his growing legs, wiggling his fingers and toes...surprising himself as he is discovering ...well, himself!
Everyday I am so thankful that the Lord has chosen me to be able to carry this precious life. I had come so close to really giving up the hope of being able to get pregnant that I stay in awww... Amazed my God's design of a mother's womb. He gives mothers 100% responsibility for nurturing, protecting, feeding and carrying the next generation.
Although some of the tasks of motherhood will come as no surprise to me as I have been a mom for almost eight years now, there is so much I hadn't experienced. I hadn't ever felt a baby move inside. I haven't had contractions. I haven't had to decide on birthing options. I haven't had to deliver a child. I haven't had the choice to breastfeed. It is like another whole dimension to motherhood. A reality that has always been just beyond my reach.
I will share with you on my 31st birthday (June of this year) I am almost embarrassed to tell you... but I stood in front of my mirror, poked my belly out, and imagined what it would be like to be pregnant (NOT knowing that I was actually pregnant at that time). I told myself that it was okay if I never got pregnant, and tried to settle it in my mind. Telling myself all the positives, Garron was going to be out of the house in like 9 years! LOL I didn't have to make bottles, pack bags, and changed diapers...who wants to do all that anyway?
I was very torn because I told God (almost 8 years ago) when he gave me that beautiful baby boy, that I would be forever thankful and if he was the only child God was to ever give me, I was okay with that. So my feelings on June 12,2010 were a struggle. I felt sort of like an ingrate. I know some people never get children, not even one. Some people have children and loose them, and some like Hannah pray for a child, only to give him back to God.
God had also blessed me with Jeremiah...even though he has only been living with us for the past year, he is such a blessing. I wasn't sad about getting old (er), I was only sad that I knew my biological clock was ticking. I thought, man if I can't get pregnant in my 20s my chances are rapidly depleting in my 30s! So, I will be honest, I allowed my self a little party...not in celebration of my birthday, but one of pity ...on myself...no one came...it was just me and my tears...
Now how silly!!! This is why I felt dumb at the time. I tried not to doubt God's master plan. I tried to trust that He does EVERYTHING for our good and His glory...but I failed the test. I let my emotions run away with me (well I will now blame some of that on being pregnant....hahaha the irony)
I share all this with you so you will know this, I give God total honor and glory for my new gift. And so you will understand when I go on and on gushing about this amazing experience that seem like "everyday" to some people...to me it is still a miracle! Still!!!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Almost 22 weeks!
Okay so I want to fill you in on the day I found out it was a boy! August 23,2010
I had prayed that I would not feel disappointment, if it was in deed a boy. Mainly for this reason, I'm having a BABY!! There is NOTHING disappointing about that!
So sure enough he is rolling the magic wand around and finds the extra parts...it's a boy!
And as an answer to my prayer I wasn't disappointed at all. I think part of me had "braced" myself, just in case.
We had already decided on the name "Preston Graham" if it were a boy, and I love that name. So that was fun. Jeremiah picked out the name Preston, and Graham is a tribute of sorts to my mom's mom who we call Gram.
The doctor told Ben he needed to make sure I was drinking lot's of water, taking my prenatals and he needed to be giving me back rubs often.
He also said, my hormone levels were great! Ben asked him to check them again...ha ha.
So on the 22nd the night before my dr apt. I felt the first little kick. It was almost like a butterfly in my tummy...but I was so excited. I had spent the whole fist month that I found out checking my belly often to make sure it was still hard, and the baby was still in there! LOL
So last night I was the only one up, and Preston starts kicking like CRAZY! I was so excited but there is no one up to feel him, but me.
Several people have said, "you don't even look pregnant"...none of them were my husband he however says every time I put my jeans on, "I think your squishing our baby!"...what a buster!
The good news is he also said, "you need to go buy some maternity pants"...hmm. I need to go buy...silly silly man...he didn't even know what he was asking of me! MUAHHHAAAHHAA!!!
So I got my first pair of maternity pants, and of course several cute shirts to go with!!!
As we (Garron and I) pulled up to the maternity shop, we were talking baby. He asked me if dad was rubbing my back. I started laughing and said as a matter of fact you should remind him of that! He said, well the doctor said he should! Praise the Lord for Garron's good memory...too bad Ben is the one who keeps forgetting! LOL
I had prayed that I would not feel disappointment, if it was in deed a boy. Mainly for this reason, I'm having a BABY!! There is NOTHING disappointing about that!
So sure enough he is rolling the magic wand around and finds the extra parts...it's a boy!
And as an answer to my prayer I wasn't disappointed at all. I think part of me had "braced" myself, just in case.
We had already decided on the name "Preston Graham" if it were a boy, and I love that name. So that was fun. Jeremiah picked out the name Preston, and Graham is a tribute of sorts to my mom's mom who we call Gram.
The doctor told Ben he needed to make sure I was drinking lot's of water, taking my prenatals and he needed to be giving me back rubs often.
He also said, my hormone levels were great! Ben asked him to check them again...ha ha.
So on the 22nd the night before my dr apt. I felt the first little kick. It was almost like a butterfly in my tummy...but I was so excited. I had spent the whole fist month that I found out checking my belly often to make sure it was still hard, and the baby was still in there! LOL
So last night I was the only one up, and Preston starts kicking like CRAZY! I was so excited but there is no one up to feel him, but me.
Several people have said, "you don't even look pregnant"...none of them were my husband he however says every time I put my jeans on, "I think your squishing our baby!"...what a buster!
The good news is he also said, "you need to go buy some maternity pants"...hmm. I need to go buy...silly silly man...he didn't even know what he was asking of me! MUAHHHAAAHHAA!!!
So I got my first pair of maternity pants, and of course several cute shirts to go with!!!
As we (Garron and I) pulled up to the maternity shop, we were talking baby. He asked me if dad was rubbing my back. I started laughing and said as a matter of fact you should remind him of that! He said, well the doctor said he should! Praise the Lord for Garron's good memory...too bad Ben is the one who keeps forgetting! LOL
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)